Revelation.

For some time I have been praying over and pondering Lent and what I would 'give up for lent'. It's actually the first time I have done this and it's something I am excited about. 'Sugar' has been on my heart. I love sugar and I know it's bad for me, yet that isn't enough to stop me from my indulgence.

I have tried to give it up on my own strength and failed.

Something I have mulled over for a while also, is why do I struggle to run to God, to the cross when I am in a time or situation of hardship? It seems to be a running theme in my life.

Blurry eyed, disorientated and surprised that it was already alarm clock time, I reached for my Bible to read a my morning psalm. It's a rule I have to help me start my day off with my mind on Christ before a small child lures me from my warm blanket cocoon.

I read:

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62: 1-2

The reason to give up sugar this Lent, my first lent, is because I do not always find rest in God, I don't plant my feet on Him and allow myself to sand firm. Instead I eat. I eat sugar.

Tea with cookies. Ice Cream. Coke. Cake. I bake.

When something goes array, when I am emotionally shook up, I think about comfort food. Sugar. The warmth and comfort of that sugar boost. The sweet, familiar taste. Then I feel better. Temporarily.

Yet, the problem in still there, the hurt, the worry, the concern, the fear, the sin. I just sunk it deeper within me. To wait and fester until it get so big, it isn't a little prayer to resolve, but I hurtful, difficult problem.

So this year, while I resist temptation, I will be receiving something even more wonderful than my so called, seemingly trivial, 'sacrifice', compared to Jesus's... I will be learning how to run to God. The enemy will loose this foothold he has in my life.

God you will be be the rest my soul needs. My Rock. My Salvation. My everything.

I am truly looking forward to what God teaches me, on the first lent I have observed. Perhaps I don't understand all the Theology and related liturgy, but I am already learning something more about how to be closer to Jesus. How to receive the Grace and Mercy, that are mine, ours, through the Cross.